Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids but even the best of people have limits and kids, especially young kids seem to push them quite often.
I'm constantly being told that I'm a supermom, and frankly I hate it. I feel like I've got all these standards placed upon me and when I don't meet them, I feel like such a failure.
I work a super early shift, 3:45am, I go to school full time, and now I'm trying to add on a second job to help make ends meet and have a bit of cushioning for bills/things to get done and maybe have extra money to do things with the kids. I'm not going to be seeing the kids a whole lot come August if I manage to get a second job. It's going to suck, but in order to keep a roof over our heads, and the electric on, we have to get ahead on our bills somehow.
And I hear a lot that we should enjoy every moment we have with our kids. Which, I try. But when Michael is holding in his poop and it's going on three or four days straight, and every five minutes he's screeching his little head off, that really starts wearing on the nerves. I don't love every minute of him doing that. I've tried everything I can think of to force him to go, suppositories, miralax[dr. recommendation], various assortments of fruits and juices and he still holds it in. I made him sit on his potty and for over half an hour he screeched, screamed, and cried his little head off until he went. I didn't enjoy that. What is there to enjoy about that? It was exhausting and really wore on my nerves a bit. I have sensitive hearing and having him screaming right in my ear for that whole time gave me a migraine. Next doctor appointment we have I'm going to really push for them to help me with his holding it in thing besides always prescribing Miralax. Miralax does nothing. He's not constipated, he's holding it in. There's a difference.
They constantly are fighting over toys, what to watch, what to eat, they constantly are getting into things they aren't supposed to. Time-outs, sent to their room, a quick swat to the hand[if playing with something dangerous], redirection, you name it I've tried it and it just doesn't sink in. I've got very stubborn children.
There are times I just need a chance to get out and breathe for a few moments and try to recollect myself. ~There's nothing wrong with that.~ There are days that I'm so stressed out from putting them in time out most of the day and the tantrums, that I really really want a drink or two by the end of the night. ~There's nothing wrong with that either. ~ Doesn't mean I ever get a chance to have that drink because I very rarely have alcohol in the house, due to my kids being extremely smart and know how to get around most child locks and they can reach most areas of the house if they stand on a chair.
I love my kids to death, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy every single second or every single little thing that they do. I'm not a supermom. I'm not perfect. But I try to do the best that I can for my kids. Sometimes that means being out of the house for many hours a day for work and to go to school so I can get a better job. But I'm trying.
Right now, I'm sitting outside on the steps, enjoying the cool night air while trying to relax after a day filled with "No! Stop that! Don't use your sister as a pillow! No biting your brother!" and time outs galore for throwing things at each other and what have you. Being a parent sometimes sucks, but I wouldn't trade it at all. I love my kids to much, even if they do wear down my nerves and give me migraines from time to time.
Until next time. <3
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